[ F i e n d ]

The life of a fiendish schizophrenic.

Saturday, September 28, 2002

Song of the moment:"Santeria" by Sublime
I am feeling: Somewhat Shitty



Yeah. . . . I was having a good day today, actualy.. a VERY good day, until I returned the call that Isaac sent me. He was at Sean's birthday party and he was inside or something, eating with everyone else. It was really loud for some reason, since everyone was talking or whatever. Isaac asks me if I wanted to talk to Sean and wish him a happy birthday, so I said,"sure". It was really confusing, I could hardly hear them and he gives the phone to some guy. I was like, "is this Sean?" the guy was all, "no, this is Isaac" I replied, "Oh... okay" [remember that the background noise was very very loud and chaotic through the phone, so I could even barely hear the voice of the person speaking]. Then, that guy says something like, "You know what, Mil? You have some like... wierd Filipino accent. You're not worth talking to." and hangs up on me. My reaction was pretty much just denial. I knew Isaac wouldn't say that... he's not like that. But when I did start thinking for a tiny moment that it was him, I almost cried.

I walk back inside the arcade... back to Lorraine, Stephanie and Christina. They ask me what's wrong, and I tell them what happened. Lorraine and Stephanie, like the good friends that they are, try to cheer me up. When they called me back, I was like, "Ugh... I don't want to talk to them. I feel shitty enough as it is, I don't want to cry in public." So Lorraine went outside with my cell phone and answers it. She tells whoever was on the other line that I was in the bathroom, and that was that.

About a half an hour or so later, Isaac sent me a text message. Hey Mil. Sorry about George. Sean says hela thx for sayin happy B-day, and everyone says HI!! THX MIL ttyl. baibai I love Isaac. "Sorry about George"? Yeah, everyone's sorry about George. *rolls eyes* Whatever. Sean's cool too, and I should smack myself for thinking that the guy who talked to me was him. I love Sean, too.

Heh. That conversation really ruined my day, though. I was really hyper and was my normal wierd, "never ending hoppy energizer bunny-thing" mood. Lorra and Steph tried their best cheering me up, which I appreciate. Christina just rolls her eyes like the bitch she is. lol.. she's downstairs right now, talking to her boyfriend from San Diego on my freakin' cell phone. After I kind of got over it, I started freestyling again on PIU, practicing my pop and lock. Wheee... got 5 dollars from one of the tourisits. ^^;;

I can't believe that I ever felt such deep feelings for George. He's just like Chris.. aka Tajiri.. he can be nice and a great friend one minute, and the next, just turn into a PMSing, depressed little hypocrite. Even if I did have a Filipino accent that that's bad, then what kind of a diss is that? I was born in the Philippines, and I'm mother fucking proud of that. But yeah, I can't even talk in Tagalog right... according to Christina. She's always dissing me, too. How I sound so "white" when I try to talk to her in Tagalog. What the hell AM I? I talk FOB in English, and talk 'white' in Tagalog? What in the green hell.

On the brighter side, I would like to thank all of my good friends that tried cheering me up... and somewhat, succeeded. Good friends like Lorraine, Stephanie, Miyu and Jaimee. I don't think giving me a non-virgin margarita really counts, like what Danny did earlier... it just made me almost throw up. o_O;;

moving along.....

I was telling Stephanie how she should pursue into another level with her singing. She only sings when no one is talking to her, or paying attention to her and that's when I heard her AMAZING voice. I mean, I hear that "all" Filipinos have good singing voices, but hers tops the rest. I'm not even bluffing. The problem is, she is way too shy to sing in front of people when they're directly looking at her. I told her that when I die, my Will is going to specifically say that she will HAVE to at least try out anything that involves singing or else I would have HER killed, decapitated and burned. =) I am so confident that if she sings in front of a representative of a record company, that she will instantly get a record deal. That's how good she is.. she's way better than all of the girls in that stupid American Idol thing, but the only problem that she has is getting over her fear of singing in front of people, other than her own family.

Anywho.. I have to get back to the people that IMed me instead of pushing them out of my life, like I've done so many times in the past whenever I'm down. I need to hide my inner feelings once more, like what I always do.


Friday, September 27, 2002

Song of the moment:"Wait and See" by Utada Hikaru
I am feeling: Awake.



Never Ever
A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so
I need to know, what I've done wrong
And how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I'll know never to make the same mistake again

You can tell me to my face,
Or even on the phone,
You can write it in a letter,
Either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way I'm going out of my mind
All the answers to my questions, I have to find

My head's spinnin'
Boy I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower,
I will scour, I will run
Find peace of mind, the happy mind
I once owned, yeah!

Flexin vocabulary runs through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zee
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscious asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I aint done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
Cos' I heard that this feelin wont last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just dont feel right

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just dont feel right

I'll keep searchin' deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, gotta feel at ease
Need to be
Free from pain, going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscious asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I aint done nothing wrong,
Now I'm just waiting
Cos' I heard that this feelin wont last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me outta this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just don't feel right

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me outta this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just don't feel right

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me outta this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just don't feel right

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me outta this black hole
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feelin yeah, you got me feelin really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscious to fight
The way I'm feelin' yeah, it just don't feel right

You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Ooh you can write it in a letter, babe
Cos I really need to know
You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Ooh, you can write it in a letter, babe
Cos I really need to know
You can in a letter, babe (Repeat to fade)

-----

I love this song. =')

Well, I'm off now. I don't know exactly when my mom and everyone else is comming back, and the whole downstairs is a mess. Gotta clean clean clean if I want to work out tommorow! ^^;;

Song of the moment:"Never Ever" by All Saints
I am feeling: Poetic



This picture may be disturbing at first and a little scary, but I wrote a poem about it and my multi-personals. ^.^;;; I actually was going to make a photohop picture and faden one of those pictures and throw a bunch of filters on it, and the next thing I knew... i was putting those two middle pictures together. o_O;; As I was looking at it, I started talking to myself in my head and started rhyming. I was like... "WTF..." and came up with a super duper short poem! :D

Two different people
Two different personalities
Which one is real?
Which one is I?
Am I myself?
Can you tell me why?

All I ever hear
Spreading from ear to ear
That because there is more than one "I"
Is because... I am a gemini.




Hey... at least I actually AM a Gemini... instead of making some bullshit up just so I could rhyme. :P

Song of the moment: "Jahk Eun Yahk Sohk" by Ryang Hyun Ryang Ha
I am feeling: Excited



Wheeee.... Green and Gold day is finally over with! Our turnout was pretty darn good. We ended up with over a full page of names, phone numbers and emails--some, or most actually wanting to join the Graphix club. The rest just signed up because 1. We threatened them, 2. They thought they were signing up for the Culinary Club and 3. to get candy. -_-;;;

Anywho, gyeah. Mrs. Heskett, the leader of the student activities and leadership and all that asked us if we can make a website for Alumni. The security guard person also asked me if we can make him and Mr. Pifferini a website for football, so yay. I don't know yet if we're going to charge to make websites and stuff, I still have to discuss that with the rest of the members. This year is going to be fun fun fun!!! ^.^

Here are some pictures from G&G:

Aquiles
Dylan
Dylan
Elley
Elley II
Elley and Lorraine
GRAPIX <--I can't spell and now I cry. D;
Group Pic
Lorraine and Aquiles
Lorraine and Aquiles II
Pirate
Posters
Beauty signing up
Sign up sheet
Steak boys

Image of the day:



Does this picture look wrong or what?


For Green and Gold day, I wore my green wig, I painted my entire face and neck an icky green color, I wore extra extra extra long "party" eye lashes that were green and sliver, and used rubber bands to keep my white, Nike pants up like those the flood-pant style. Dude. The second I got out of my brother's car, all there was were STARE STARE STARES. lol. People were like... "Oh my God... what is she wearing" or "Ugh. What a wierdo... she's in my English class" or "Whoooaaahh!! That girl is my herooo!!"

It was like that the entire day. I seriously didn't believe people would react that way, it was just fucking HILARIOUS. Some guy was just standing in front of my desk during B5, jsut STARING. He was just standing and staring there for minutes and minutes, until I looked up and said with a full Asian-Filipino bitch attitude and a mean look, "What the fuck are you looking at? That's right!! Turn the other way---turn the other mother fucking way. T_T.". I'm suprized at my bitchyness today, gosh. ^^;;

After school, I had to take the bus home. x_X;;;. I was walking up the hill from harbor to the bus stop, and every single car was staring at me. A majority kept on honking, and yelling random and idiotic words like "WHOOAAAA THERE" or "WHAT.. THE... FUCK....". Haha. I guess I'm used to attention, I always get big crowds when I play Bemani and PIU at the Boardwalk... I really don't care if they think I'm stupid for what I was doing, or if they praise me for it, just as long as I'm comfortable with it and that I enjoy it. Screw everyone else, they can all go to hell. =)

Laytah.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

asdf

;lkj

End.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Song of the moment: "Et L'Amour" by Circle
I am feeling: Sleepy



EVIL "SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP" PIC! =O!!!



kwueh.

Song of the moment: "Hateshinai Toiki" by ? from the anime, Gunsmith Cats
I am feeling: Lazy





*hits camera with a Home Depot stick* Stupid thing took my picture when I didn't want it to. -_-;;

Anywho... I have been so freaking lazy. Seriously. Instead of finishing up the stuff I needed to do for Green and Gold day, I watched Korean music videos instead. *yawn* and I'll keep this blog short because I need to sleep. Gotta wake up at 6!! x_X;

Laytah. ;P

Song of the moment: "Rolling Stone" by Olivia
I am feeling: Queezy



I just realized that I look like a fucking oompa loompa on my "green hair" wig picture.

-_-;;;;

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Song of the moment: "Undivided Love" by J
I am feeling: An itch to start dancin'



Oh! I forgot to post the pic of me in my green wig and new shirt! :P



I AM TOO FUCKING DARK. Either that, or it's the camera. o_O;

Song of the moment: "Sun Taek" by Baek Ji Young
I am feeling: Accomplished



Whee. Finally, preperations for Green and Gold day are making its closure. Well, at least for me... I just bought a yellow and green shirt from Pacific Sunware, a new green wig, green face paint, sticks for our posters, cute long ass green and silver eyelashes, I'm all set! lol. If you didn't know, green and gold are my school colors, and Green and Gold day is a BIG event in my school when the clubs of our campus get together and recruit members and stuff. I think I already said that on a previous blog though, but oh well.

Aquiles is taking care of our banner thing, I just finished making our pamphlet [but yet emailed it to Lorraine so she can print it out], and gyeah. I still have a few more things to do, but I am just so damn lazy right now.

Other than school crap, I can't believe people think I'm in college. Benji thought I was "informal" because I didn't go to college, but I'm not even in college yet! -_-; This other guy also thought I was at least a freshman in college. What in the poopy bonanza. Oh! Speaking of Bonanza, I met a "Native American" today at the bus stop. This is how it happened: some old Hispanic lady was asking me a question in Spanish, and since I'm stupid and I don't know HOW to speak Spanish, hence I am not of Hispanic ethincity, she walked up to Charles [that's his name! I rememered his name! XD] and asked the same question in Spanish. He was basically like, "o_O;;;" and told her that he wasn't Spanish, either. With a sigh, the lady walked away.

Mistare Charles Something Bear [?] walked up to me and sat next to me, saying how people ALWAYS mistake him as Hispanic. I said the same thing.. basically, people think I'm full Cambodian, or Hispanic, Hawaiian, "Eskimo" o_O;. He showed me his art portfolio and talked on and on about how you can get rich from doing your own art. He said he used to work for a company, but didn't get paid all that well, so he's independant now and he says he makes A LOT of money. He makes posters, cards, etc. He's pretty tight, for an old man. o_O;;;

Oh! I overheard a conversation between freshmen in school today. This girl went up to some guy, asking, "Hi. I work for the yearbook, and we're interviewing teenage boys. What part of the woman's body do you admire the most?" Guy: "Are you serious?" Girl: "Just answer the question." Guy: "*giggle giggle* Okay. I like boobies cuz they make me horny."

-_-;;

Ahh, the idiocy of young freshmen boys.

Which reminds me: Saranghaeyo, Eric!! XD

Monday, September 23, 2002

Song of the moment: "Wink" by S.E.S.
I am feeling: Ditto



Wooohhh.. it's freakin hot today! Today, I had my "bad girl" look which was a short jean skirt, a Johnny Blaze for girls "hootchie" shirt underneath, and a partially leather/partially cotton jacket on top. But good Lordy, it was freakin' hot walking home. The minute I got home, I stripped down to my underwair and threw on some white boxers and a white panda tank top pajama that Lorraine bought me for my birthday. Since I got home early because I cut art, I was bored so I took more pictures. o_O; [here's one :P]




I'm so dark. I need Christina's whitening lotion or something. -_-

But I have to go now cuz my stepdad is mean. Laytah~

Song of the moment: "Dooms Day" by GACKT
I am feeling: Bored and hyper



Gyeah. I had a meeting with the Green and Gold day administrators today at school [Green and Gold day = big deal on our campus. It's when all of the clubs get together and form a thing... and recruit members and such]. Aquiles [Graphix Club president] couldn't go because he had an interview with Circuit City. I was suprized Dylan was there... I didn't even know anyone read our Graphix message board that I spent a whole day making. ^^; [only because I couldn't make up my mind on the layout. Stupid ugly layouts from EZ Board. I had to make my own -_-]

Anywho... since Aquiles wasn't there to sign up for getting reading for the Green and Gold day, I told Dylan to sign up and we can set up our Graphix booth together. He said he was thinking of renting a little tent-thing, since the G&G Day is being held outside, so that's cool. I don't think Aquiles will mind... plus, only two people from each club get out ealy from their B7 class to set up for their booths. Speaking of the Graphix club, here's the very first Graphix battle at out message board!

Default Pic [posted by Dylan]


1st Edit [posted by Dylan]


2nd Edit [posted by Aquiles]


3rd Edit [posted by me]



Whee... mine sucks. -_-

Anywho.

.......

I forget what I was about to say, so I'll blog more later. ^^;